Willow Wonderland

Catch-up

2010-07-14T08:23:00.000-07:00

Wow, I can't believe it's been almost 1 full year since I last posted. Obviously much has transpired during that time! Willow's grown and developed just a wee-bit and we've undergone some major life transitions. I'll spare a long recap (mostly because I can't remember) and just highlight the main things. The main thing being what the Lord has been doing in my heart.

Much of my absence can be attributed to a period of intense, deep heart-work that the Holy Spirit has been laboring over in me. I felt a need for silence and privacy, coveting each whisper and prodding I sensed from Him. I witnessed the 3.5 years in California come to a gorgeous, crystal clear full circle as reasoning and questioning were laid bare and answered.

I experienced communion and presence with the Holy Spirit that I think I doubted was a possible reality before. I fell in love with the Body of Christ, coming to know the Bride through intimate, raw time with a bunch of rag-tag believers that I would have never expected to allow past my exterior shell. I learned what fellowship in the name of Jesus alone looks like; not based on commonalities, social groups, interests, judgements, agendas or programs, but simply receiving one another under the banner of Christ's redemptive blood.

I've been challenged to want less, live with less, hope for less from this modern day society and shift my desires to more of Christ. Less means more for those in need; less stuff for me equals more life-sustaining necessities for those who have no voice, no options; choosing less things means not filling my heart-holes with anything other than Christ's satisfying food. I'm far from "there". I'm just starting to even dare think about what those changes and conscious decisions of less look like, and it's honestly painful to recognize my resistant flesh screaming NO at the thought of it. This will be a long journey, I know, but I feel a necessary one if I claim the blood of Christ has been poured into my veins.

We recently moved 3,000 miles from Southern California to Cincinnati OH and are getting adjusted and settled in to living in a totally different environment and culture. It feels very familiar and comfortable to me though, and I'm hopeful of letting myself extend roots into this soil and peoples' lives in a new way. For some reason I felt like my time in CA was some sort of gestation stage, a waiting period of learning how to just be with the Lord, to understand who He is and who I am in light of Him. It was a time of solitude and stripping away of self-applied labels and identities. I now feel prepared to go forth in a new way, in a new place.

God has already revealed answers to prayers we've been praying over the past 6 months regarding neighbors, home, community. We moved into a cute little house in the outskirts of Cincinnati sight unseen and it's a really great fit for us. Our neighbors have a boy the exact same age as Willow and they are more than generous with sharing outside toys and have been overall really welcoming. We're excited to plug into the neighborhood and a church community quickly and see how we are to be used here.

Willow is 19 months now, and Oh-How-Did-That-Ever-Happen? She is hilarious with a quirky humor and ready smile and plentiful kisses and bouncy sun streaked curls. We're definitely entering the independent toddler zone, which I'm not so crazy about at the moment, but we'll work through it and once we get it figured out, we'll be onto the next phase of challenges and adventures. I'm pretty sure her she has the gift of encouragement and affirmation, given that she applauds and exclaims "YAAAAY!" for every little thing you do. It's great for my self esteem. I'm curious and excited to see how that develops as she grows older; I think she's going to be very sensitive to the hurts and needs of others.

Busy Bee

2009-07-31T07:54:00.001-07:00

(this is for Uncle Pete. I know how much he loves the beauty of an eating baby)

(Hairbow applied for entertainment purposes only, primarily for Aunt Beck. No hair was harmed in the process)

Willow is starting to warm up to the idea of "real-food"... it took her awhile to come around, but I think she's digging it now. Obviously, this is a Justin trait, not a Stephanie trait! Her favorites are Mango, strawberry and she'll even choke down some scrambled egg.

She's almost 100% recovered from her Upper Resp. infection turned weird hip inflammation ER to Hospital ordeal, and is scooting around like a little sand crab. She quickly bypasses all of her toys spread about for her and heads straight to any available cord, flashing light or baby hazard within sight.

As tiring and stressful as her brief little illness and health snaphoo was, I was fairly relaxed and laid-back in the hospital. I kept exclaiming how grateful I was that I knew she'd be okay eventually and that we'd be out of there soon. So many of the parents and kids around us were there on a frequent basis, the strain was commonplace and part of everyday life for them. They didn't have an end in sight or the comfort of a relatively healthy, resilient babe. I just ached and empathized with their familiar state of fatigue, sleeping for weeks on a hospital pull-out chair, surrounded by constant irritating sounds and smells. Part of the experience stirred me to want to go back to work in a hospital again, just to be empathetic, patient, sensitive and generous to the families. But on a larger scale, it urged me to hurry home, luxuriate in our comfort of health, enjoying that gift fully and with more cognizance.

2009-05-19T19:20:00.000-07:00

Willow has recently discovered her toes, and better yet, that she can get them into her mouth. It's her new favorite diaper changing time activity. She's just a funny little girl all the way around, keeping us on our toes non-stop and full of laughs.

First Race

2009-05-13T06:11:00.000-07:00

This past weekend Willow went to her first race (well, Justin's race). It was an early morning...wake-up at 4:30am, out the door by 5, arrived at the event by 6:15, and race time at 8 sharp. Oddly, I've always loved getting up and driving somewhere that early, while things are still blanketed in fading darkness, it's chilly and refreshingly still. I enjoy watching the day wake up as I'm heading somewhere fun and adventurous or even familiar, seeing things in the dawning morning light. This early morning we headed to Malibu Creek Canyon State Park, just a few miles inland of the famous (or is it infamous) Malibu, CA shoreline. It was a gorgeous setting, a low fog hanging between the soft mountains, green glowing woods with the sound of meandering streams tickling the air. A lung-full breath of fresh, unpolluted, non-grey air that sometimes seems hard to find near LA. This was a trail run event, with two different distances, a 6k and 22k, both with some gnarly hills and narrow, tricky paths.

I relish being at races just as much as I enjoy early morning travel. I'm always inspired by the different shapes, sizes, abilities, stories and motivations of each individual crossing the start and finish line. I love seeing those crazy individuals who have the drive to make excellent fitness more than a hobby, but a disciplined lifestyle, a passion. The 76 year old man completing the 22k trail run, with undoubtedly the toughest hill climbs in a west coast race, encourages me to get out the next day and push myself harder. As does the 40 something Mom who's barely finishing her very first 5k trail run, husband and kids waiting with cheers and proud hugs at the end.

Justin did great, finishing in thirteenth place out of over 130 male runners. We stuck around to watch the first of the 22k come in, knowing they'd be laying down some impressive times, and boy did they. We were thrilled to be able to watch the winning female cross the line when we found out it was Heather Fuhr, Ironman World Champ and professional Triathlete. I've watched her on TV several times competing in races, so to see her racing in person was pretty awesome.

Overall, it was a great morning and ended with a scenic drive home down the Pacific Coast Hwy. Willow did fabulously and I'm excited to watch her grow up hopefully enjoying early morning races too! Maybe one day I'll be cheering her across the finish line, or better yet, doing it along side her.

5 Months

2009-05-01T07:28:00.000-07:00

5 MONTHS! How did that happen? That's tooooo close to half a year for my liking. I've definitely noticed some "maturity" changes in just the last 2 weeks.... how she interacts with people (read: doesn't scream her head off or cry when a stranger talks to her), her observation of her surroundings, turning and looking for where sounds are coming from, playing more independently (read: I can take a shower before Justin gets home now without her dissolving into a sobbing puddle), she likes to sit assisted and play with things rather than laying on the floor, she loves watching the dog, Zoey, move around the room and would rather give her full attention instead of us... just to name a few fun things.

She's just a bundle of joy and makes each day so fun and full, even if sometimes that means never getting out the front door, forgetting to wash our clothes because I'm washing 500 loads of baby clothes and cloth diapers, or not vacuuming the house for a embarrassingly long time.

When I'm really tired and finally get her to sleep for a nap and it seems like 10 minutes later she's awake again, I can't help but be delighted when I go in her room and am greeted with the biggest grin and little coo. Apparently she doesn't hold it against me that I'm the one who put her in the crib and turned off the lights.

I can't wait for everyone on the East coast to see and enjoy her soon!

2009-04-27T20:09:00.000-07:00

We started trying solids (or pureed, thin, nasty looking stuff) with Willow. She apparently really likes sweet potatoes! We're going to start slow, just eating a bit at dinner time most evenings. It's a whole lot messier, but it sure is cute.

Belly laugh

2009-04-21T15:57:00.000-07:00

Willow has started giving me a good little chuckle. She especially thinks "boo" is funny. This is kind of shaky since I was holding the camera with one hand and covering my face for peek-a-boo with the other, but you can still see her cutie-pie self!

story

2009-04-11T19:19:00.000-07:00

When I was little I remember often waking in the middle of the night unable to go back to sleep. Mom would scoop me up into her lap, covered with an afghan, settle in the rocker and begin to tell "the story". I would close my eyes and see it so clearly, and it helped transport me from my present fears to a far away, safe place that I came to love and yearn to go.

Now, as I rock my own babe, the story comes flooding back in the form of images and memory. I know I don't remember it word for word, and the picture my mind created and recalls is different from the one Mom had in her head, but the result is still the same.

The following is that image translated into my own words. I look forward to scooping up my frightened little one and sending her down the path...

The Throne Room

Your bare feet pad softly along a worn path as it twists through the woods. You are strangely aware that you aren’t really following it, but it’s leading you. There is a dim green glow as the heavy hang of branches filter light through their verdant leaves. It’s peaceful, a purposeful trail even though you aren’t sure exactly where you’re going. You have a feeling deep in the recesses of your soul, in your very fiber, that you’ll know when you’ve arrived. The overhead branches begin to thin and the light illuminates the path more clearly, and suddenly, you're there.

It looms before you, tall and earthy brown, weathered with use but no less sturdy for the wear. A door that you know you’re supposed to enter. As you approach, you realize there is no handle or knob to assist with the daunting task of trying to open such a massive structure. You look up and it seems to become part of the trees at it spirals towards the sky. Intimidating in size, but welcoming in presence. Take a deep breath ,raise your scrawny arm, much to feeble for the task.

As your fingertip barely brushes the warm brown surface, the door swings open with no effort and you have to shield your eyes from the outpouring brightness. Step over thresh hold, pause, listen.

As your bare feet strike the new surface that stretches seemingly miles before you, the sound of millions of crystals and delicate chimes deafen you. Where is this light coming from?

There’s no visible, singular source, just reflection after reflection of beautiful light dancing down the long corridor of mirrors and windows before you. You make your way across the crystal floor that has no beginning or end, with no boundary to the windows that form the sheltering walls. Before you realize it, you’ve made it to the end; you have no comprehension of how far you’ve walked.

Before you stands another door, much different from the first. Polished gold is inlaid with millions of precious stones. There are gorgeous colors you’ve never seen, you couldn’t imagine existed. Like the first, this door also speaks of forever, but is not worn or weathered with use. It gleams with perfection, reflecting the light behind you.

This door requires knocking, you think to yourself, and as you raise your fist, you pause as you feel it.

A vibration traveling from your feet up your spine, then reaching your ears and becoming sound. At first a simple low hum, then words begin to take shape in form of chant. You feel your heart race, and then slow to timed rhythm with the chant. Deep breath in.

You knock and the door burst open and you’re greeted by the sound in amplified proportions coming out of the darkness before you. Again you cross the threshold, this time aware that you are no longer alone. You cannot see clearly yet, but you feel you’re standing in the center of a round room. Your eyes slowly adjust and you see the shapes covering the walls, even the ceiling. You know they aren’t human shapes, but are some sort of living creature, strong and fierce, yet totally unaware of themselves, united in one focus and purpose. So they are where the sound is coming from, you hear yourself whisper.

At that moment the rushing sound becomes words in your ears.

“Holy, Holy, Holy, Holy, Holy...”

Over and over again, never dulled by the repetition, each word bursting forth with new strength and conviction. And then you turn.

Before you is new light that you couldn’t see before, and in the center he sits. The light isn’t illuminating him, it is HIM, pouring out and drenching everything it falls upon. Hands reach out to you and draw you close where he sits. You fall before feet and your eyes begin to trace over the hands that support you. They are worn and speak of years of work and heavy labor, each bearing a scar in the center. Yet there is youthfulness in their strength, a sturdy grip that claims energy and readiness for whatever battle they undertake. They know no fear, nor defeat. Your eyes then fall to the feet you’ve knelt before. The same scars are present on the feet that you saw on the hands. Feet that have walked for ages, born the load for many, tread dirt, stone, straw, crossed stream, river, ocean. They are creased with miles, now glistening with fresh oil and incense. You can’t take your eyes off the hands and feet; you don’t dare look up and meet the gaze that is piercing through you, already knowing you.

You aren’t afraid, and you realize you aren’t ashamed to meet the gaze, but you tremble nonetheless.

Then chin begins to raise, shoulders square, and you allow your eyes to rise to his.

Louder and louder it comes,

“Holy, Holy, Holy, Holy...”

Exhale, and rest.

Cutie-pie

2009-04-03T15:50:00.001-07:00

She just gets cuter and cuter..... and has a pretty big personality too!

Squeals

2009-04-03T14:45:00.000-07:00

This is Willow's new form of communication. It seems to be a combination squeal+scream+growl. It's pretty funny, whatever it is. The ceiling fan seems to get the best reaction, sometimes I manage to come in as a close second.

purging

2009-04-03T12:48:00.001-07:00

I just finished purging.....my closet that is. Now, I by no means am a clothes shopper. If you want to raise my blood pressure and see me break out in an anxious sweat and aquire and instant headache, just ask me to go shopping. So I didn't have a large quantity of clothing to purge, but I knew it needed to be done. As I was whisking through the hangers, touching each article of clothing, I found myself pulling something out to place in the "to-go" pile, then putting it back in the closet, pulling it out again, putting back. You get the idea. Why am I doing this, I thought. I haven't worn this in forever, in fact...have I ever worn this?

*BING* light bulb moment.

I knew this wasn't a fashion issue, it was a heart issue. As I took those old, comfortably worn clothes off the hanger, ready to discard them for good.....they wanted to creep back into the closet, often forgotten about, but always there, the familiar ready to be donned again.

So goes sin it seems. As we approach the Father asking for pruning and refining, don't we often resist allowing him to clean out the most familiar, seemingly comfortable corners where sin lurks and waits for a lazy, unassuming day to be put on and paraded. I know that's all too frequently the case with me. But that sin is out of style with this new creation that's already been redeemed. I don't have to keep putting it on again and again, with delusions of comfort and flattery.

"We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the father, we too may live a new life" Rom 5:2-4

"Therefore as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." Col 3:12-14

As I continued to painstakingly clean out, my mind shifted gears from my ugly sin to others desperate need. The images of several homeless people who I've seen repeatedly over the years that I've lived here came into mind's view. I could see exactly what they were wearing, always have been wearing each time I see them. The man in the filthy red shorts and yellow pull-over jacket who I see walking and talking, gesturing loudly to his imagination, long beard and graying hair dirty and matted. The middle-aged woman who sits at the bus stop in front of the drug store or Blockbuster, long brown sweater filled with more holes than not, clutching an old book bag, wearing to large men's shoes, generally arguing with her invisible nightmare. There are others, many others that it pains me to draw to mind. I begin to put more and more clothes in my "to-go" pile, realizing that that shirt I may have worn once last year just might be the only shirt someone has to wear all of next year.

Cast-off sins make room for new garments, warm layers of compassion, kindness, humility gentleness, and patience, always more beautiful than the latest style.

4 months

2009-03-23T20:39:00.000-07:00

Willow had her four month check-up today AND her first shot. I decided to delay them and do an alternative schedule that spreads them out over time instead of giving several at once. She did really well.... a brief scream and then she was happy =) The Dr. took one look and said, "Wow, she's a big one!" Indeed she is..... weighing in at 18lbs and measuring 25 inches. To put that in perspective, cousin Maggie, who is 6 months older, weighs a few ounces over 18 lbs and is 28 inches. Here's to hoping that gaining mobility in a few months will slow Miss Willow down a bit.

She is so funny and really starting to show her little personality. Her new favorite activites are screaming (in a happy way), sticking her tongue out and spitting all over my arms, licking everything within reach, standing on laps, trying as hard as possible to see the TV, laying on the floor and chattering non-stop to anything that will listen. She's definitely improving in the sleep department and I'm starting to feel more rested (most days), but we still have our not so pretty moments.

I still can't get over how fortunate I am to get to stay home and love on her all day. I wouldn't trade it for the big bucks any day.

2009-03-02T20:00:00.000-08:00

A little more cuteness =)

2009-03-02T08:30:00.000-08:00

We had a week full of firsts and new experience. Willow wore her first tu-tu, Justin changed his first cloth diaper, Willow helped plant our first spring flowers, and she actually hung out in her crib for the first time (if only for a photo-op!). Oh, and she went to her first archery range as Mommy and Daddy shot bows and arrows together for the first time. By the way the folks there responded, I think it was their first baby patron!

Over all a very full, fun week and end.

Not to mention her first church experience that lasted about 30 seconds..... the time it took for me to walk through the front door, for her to immediately start screaming and me make it out the back. I walked to the nursery to see if that might be the way to go, but since there were ONLY screaming babies in there at the time and a few frazzled looking workers, I didn't really feel cool handing them MY screaming baby. So we danced in the parking lot to worship music coming through the door. Another great new experience.

chatty willow

2009-02-26T16:15:00.000-08:00

Here's a snippet of Chatty Willow. Okay, so it's not a snippet, it's 2 min 30 sec of cuteness, so get comfy =)

She was laying on her play mat, talking away to her toys all by herself, and I was fortunate to get to be included. She's getting more vocal each day it seems; yesterday Justin and I just kept laughing at our "talkative" girl, knowing we're going to be in for a treat when she actually owns some words!

Rolling over

2009-02-23T08:32:00.000-08:00

Here's Willow rolling over. After this long attempt, she did it with much ease over and over again. Of course we didn't tape that. I thinks it's a tad challenging to get those leg rolls over, I just want to give her a helpful little nudge! Pretty soon she'll be rolling from back to tummy and sitting up.

*Much cheering and sympathetic grunting at your computer while watching is definitely encouraged =)

3 months!

2009-02-19T07:34:00.000-08:00

Happy 3 Months Our Little Willow-Bee!

3 month beauty shots

Apparently I produce "VERY healthy" babes. Oh my.

Willow celebrated turning 3 months yesterday.... it doesn't seem possible! She's growing way to fast for my liking, yet becoming so much more interactive and fun too! Her newest accomplishments are: making a beautiful gurgling, spit sound....which produces much drool and spit bubbles, followed by a glistening wet, huge grin; rolling over- although she's only done this a few times and doesn't seem too interested in doing it again, we're going to count that as progress; "playing" with toys- she's definitely become interested in her little hanging doo-dads on her play mat and bouncy seat, and appears to "reach" for them, albeit spastic arm swinging with occasional contact. We're counting that as progress, too!

She and I celebrated her 3 month day by driving south to Balboa Island off of Newport Beach. The adventure was encouraged because our apartment buildings are being re-painted and I was enclosed inside with taped up windows, banging ladders and mariachi music on the porch. We needed to get out =)

Anyway, Balboa is a beautiful area, very prestigious and noted for it's famous residents, both current and past. John Wayne, Greta Garbo, Tyrone Power, Bogart and many others used to have their homes here and it definitely has held onto that rich history. The day was gorgeous and we enjoyed a walk around the periphery of the island, beside the bay's edge, looking at the glamorous homes (shamelessly into windows I'll admit) and impressive private boats. It was a fun morning, followed by a MUCH needed nap on her part and movie on mine. I think we'll celebrate each new month in a similar way!

I'm so very, very thankful for this little gift of a person. She is a true delight and joy and has already been used to help teach and refine me as a child of God. Praise Him for that! I know the adventure has just begun and am filled with so much eager anticipation, and sometimes trepidation, with what's to come. God's grace to lead.

2009-02-09T18:17:00.000-08:00

I didn't post the best picture that happened about 30 seconds after this face. The front of Justin's shirt covered in spit-up =) After I stopped laughing, more at the look on his face than the spit up on his shirt, I made him wait to change his shirt so I could take a picture of his first REAL experience. Somehow he's managed to avoid getting hit for the past 2 months. Which is fine because apparently it totally grosses him out. Me, not so much. As he put it, I have "mommy immunity" to those types of things. Hmmm, I didn't realize that came with the package. But I guess I do =)

These are my favorite times of the day, in the evening as the sun's going down and Justin's home visiting with Willow and I putter in the kitchen and listen to them chatting. It's good soul food and I know I could hope for nothing better, sweeter than this.

little drooly

2009-02-02T18:02:00.000-08:00

She's really starting to get the sticking her tongue out and blowing thing down... sometimes when I'm in the kitchen, I hear her in the living room doing it all by herself! I guess she has to practice her new skills ;-)

2009-01-29T14:49:00.000-08:00

It's been a really wonderful day. Willow and I went for a walk this morning, down to the ocean and back through a lusciously green park. The weather here is a gorgeous 80 degrees, with warm Santa Ana winds brushing off stagnant heat and swirling around the sunshine.

This afternoon, I've been sitting on our porch, rocking my babe, listening to the wind crinkle the red bud leaves and sway the palms. I love how trees dance to the season's song... swaying with a breeze, glisten and shimmer with a heavy rain, rest heavy with the weight of a cold blanket of ice or snow. To my pleasure, there always seems to be a bevy of little birds joining the tree chorus, harmonizing in natural, perfect pitch. There's also a handful of birds of prey that reside in the branches nearby. I love watching them ride the warm winds, without effort or seam in their glide, casting quick shadows over our lawn. Sometimes I wonder if they do it just because it feels good. As I sat there, watching life unfurled on my little plot of grass and stand of trees, feeling the weight of Willow sinking lower into sweet sleep, I couldn't help but feel my soul rise and join the song.

I began whispering in her ear the Doxology we used to sing before diner when we were children...

Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow;

Praise Him, all creatures here below;

Praise Him above, ye Heavenly Host;

Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

Amen.

2 months!

2009-01-22T14:07:00.000-08:00

Willow had her 2 month check-up today and we got a good laugh. She's a svelte 15 lbs!!! That's double her birth weight and she's added an additional 4 inches in length. Now who says a few rolls aren't precious? The Pediatrician jokingly (I think) asked if I was sure she's only 2 months. So she's in the 95th percentile for weight and 75th percentile for length. Maybe she's just an overachiever like her momma :-) We got a thumbs up that she's wonderfully healthy and happy. I'm truly am just so very, very thankful for such a blessing and pray for continued good health and pudginess.

I Heart Faces- kids contest entry week two

2009-01-20T18:32:00.000-08:00

Willow's first "tub" bath (actually it's a giant rubber duck). She was a bit apprehensive at first, but warmed up to the idea pretty quickly and enjoyed a little splashing. I'm betting she'll be a little fish before too long.

Frills and smiles

2009-01-19T08:12:00.000-08:00

My perfectly pudgy girl is also perfectly pink! I love her blushed little (okay, big) cheeks and rosebud mouth. She's getting to be very generous and ready with her smiles and is "talking" up a storm when we have conversations. I'm really curious to see how that displays itself when she does have words; if we'll get a surprise and have ourselves a little chatterbox!

If you look close, you can see she has ruffles on her collar AND bottom.... as every true Southern girl knows, you don't go out without a little frill somewhere on your person. Not that I wear ruffles on my bottom, I've graduated to more sophisticated frills.

Perfectly pudgy

2009-01-14T15:26:00.000-08:00

We went grocery shopping today and had the usual throngs of baby admiring senior citizens ooo-ing and ahh-ing over sweet Willow..... maybe it's just that I shop at that allotted time of day, when it's just retirees and mommies in the store. Anyway, in the check-out line I had one particularly interested, inquisitive little lady asking me all about her: her birth weight and length, exactly how old she is, how much she weighs now (which I don't know precisely), and did she really have that much hair when she was born????

After all the facts, she kindly concluded that Willow should probably be put on a diet or feeding restrictions, because "that just seems like an awful lot of weight she's put on in 8 weeks".

I politely replied that she's just perfectly healthy, and besides, I sure don't want a scrawny baby :-)

I Heart Faces- kids contest

2009-01-12T15:20:00.000-08:00

I came across a website called I Heart Faces that is dedicated to the capturing of, well...faces obviously! They'll have a contest (each week?) with different categories and themes and you can enter your fabulous face on your blog and create a link to theirs. Fun! And since I have the most precious baby in the world, of course I had to play.

This is one of my very favorite pictures of Willow, taken in the early quiet hours of the morning. Those sweet, plump cheeks, that perfectly pug nose, those whispery, dreamy eyelashes....what's not to love???

I Heart Willow ;-)

2009-01-10T07:05:00.000-08:00

As Willow is getting older (all 8 weeks of her) and I've been doing a little bit more reading and perusing of parenting books and websites, I've come across so many labels and how-to methods and parenting styles. If you do xy&z, then you're doing it this way, if you do ab&c, then you're this style, but if you only do p&q and add a little ab, then you're doing this and probably messing your kid up for life.

Okay, so maybe it's not quite so rigid, but I feel it's a bit excessive and almost insulting at times. Some of the so called methods eliminate any room for God given parenting instinct, or they seem just plain common sense and silly that someone actually put a name to it and called it a "style". As I've skimmed blogs of other Moms who write mostly about their adventures in motherhood and homemaking, I began to feel like I was supposed to be subscribing to one of these methods, that I had to pick a name for how I was going to parent in the event that some playground Mom turns to me and asks "...and what style are you using to parent Willow?".

How about the "Fly by the Seat of My Pants" style??? Just kidding.

But really, as I considered parenting and who the original parent is, I drew the correlation to what I've been doing, and think I'll continue to do as Willow grows, with how the Father parents us as his children. I thought about being a brand spankin' new christian and what is so crucial during that infant stage. I think so much of our God parent-child relationship is rooted in believing, trusting and accepting and receiving His love for us. REALLY accepting. And I think often times we don't. What if that's all we did in the beginning, if we spent the first year as a believer just soaking up His love and not wanting to get out of His lap, just being cooed over and not feeling driven to go and do, or join this ministry team or follow this 25 step guide to Christian living, but just let Him sing over us as a new parent and all we do is drink it up as we learn how to trust and dwell in that relationship? And then, what if when we move into toddlerhood, we are so secure with our parent, we don't doubt His love, His wisdom, we are safe to venture out and make choices, receive discipline, respond with obedience out of that love-relationship and desire to please our parent. What if, when we make a toddler mistake and we exercise our free-will and test our independence and we are lovingly, firmly corrected, what if we don't dwell on it or wallow in it, but safely go back to the lap and are content to rest and receive.

Maybe my interpretation is itself infantile or misdirected, but I do hope Willow grows to operate out of trust and security in our love-relationship.

kissable...

2009-01-03T11:46:00.000-08:00

...sweet little skin.

quiet moments

2008-12-30T06:55:00.001-08:00

I've been enjoying the last few mornings with Willow, while Justin is still home from work and tucked in our dark, quiet bedroom sleeping, us girls start our day. I leave all the lights off except the Christmas tree, illuminating her sweet face with the holiday glow of pink, blue and orange. Barely awake from her night's slumber, she fades in and out of stirring, flashes of smiles and coos escape without her willing them. It's a sweet gift to start the day with; I'm so thankful I don't have to rush to get ready, to be at work by 6:30 am and miss these precious moments.

After she nurses and lulls back to sleep for her first morning nap, I drink in some inspiration and contemplation from a blog I happened across. It's called Holy Experience and the writer is Ann Voskamp. I've been inspired by her perspective and writing about relationship with God and her devotionals during the advent season. This as an archived post that I read this morning and wanted to share. I hope you peruse her blog-home and find enjoyment as I have.

Amazing

2008-12-24T11:43:00.000-08:00

This was the sight we got to walk home to the other evening after a stroll. I dashed inside to grab my camera and just stood there giddy with delight at how amazing this was. Quite possibly the most beautiful sunset I'd ever seen and my pictures don't come close to doing it justice, but I thought I'd share anyway :)

Gifts

2008-12-24T09:55:00.000-08:00

It's a rare drizzly, cool day in California and I'm cozy inside, snug with my baby, sitting by the glow of our modest little Christmas tree.

Christmas Eve day and not a present under the tree..... but I have mine in my arms and am quite content : ) Justin and I agreed to forgo presents this year since one, we had the huge expense of a new baby and two, we really couldn't think of a single thing we truly needed.

What an amazing gift, in the current state of the world, to be in a place where we have no pressing, immediate needs. The reality of that is sincerely humbling and moves me to my knees in gratitude and praise.

I've been listening to the CD, Sing over Me: Worship Songs And Lullabies that my sister sent me when Willow was born. I played it to my tummy while she was still nestled inside. The other night she was unusually fussy, having a hard time getting back to sleep after her 1 a.m. feeding, so I turned on the CD. It was amazing to watch her get very still and calm, then slowly drift off. I pray that, even if she doesn't understand language yet, she internalizes the aspect of worship and comfort that it creates. There are several songs I love, but two stick out today as I reflect on the gift of Jesus Christ and the constant provision of the Father.

How Deep The Father's Love For Us

How deep the Father's love for us/ How vast beyond all measure/ That He should give His only Son/ To make a wretch His treasure/ How great the pain of searing loss/ The Father turns His face away/ As wounds which mar the Chosen One/ Bring many sons to glory/

Behold the Man upon the cross/ My sin upon His shoulder/ Ashamed I hear my mocking voice/ Call out among the scoffers/ It was my sin that held Him there/ Until it was accomplished/ His dying breath has brought me life I know that it is finished/

I will not boast in anything/ No gifts, no power, no wisdom/ But I will boast in Jesus Christ/ His death and resurrection/ Why should I gain from His reward/ I cannot give an answer/ But this I know with all my heart/ His wounds have paid my ransom

(written by Stuart Townend)

You Are Good

When the sun starts to rise and I open my eyes/ You are good, so good/ In the heat of the day, with each stone that I lay/ You are good

With every breath I take in/ I'll tell You I'm grateful again/ When the moon climbs high before each kiss goodnight/ You are good/ When the road starts to turn around each bend I've learned/ You are good, so good/ And when somebody's hand holds me up, helps me stand/ You are so good/

With every breath I take in/ I'll tell you I'm grateful again/ 'casue it's more than enough just to know I am loved/ And you are good/

So, how can I thank You/ What can I bring/ What can these poor hands lay at the feet of the King/ I'll sing You a love song/ It's all that I have/ To tell You I'm grateful for holding my life in Your hands/

When it's dark and it's cold and I can't feel my soul/ You are good/ When the world is gone gray and the rain is here to stay/ You are still good/ So with every breath I take in/ I'll tell You I am grateful again/ And the storm may swell even then/ It is well and You are good/

(written by Nichole Nordeman and Clint Lagerberg)

Having an infant is such a clear reminder of what relationship with the Heavenly Father should, and can, be like. Willow is dependent on me to meet all her needs, and seems quite content to be so. After she fills her little belly, she nestles herself against my chest with the most satisfied expression and quickly drifts of to sleep without worry. I hope to convey that to her as she grows older and more independent. I hope she recognizes that contentment in her parents as we lean our heads against the Heavenly Father, that we will be able to close our eyes without worry, knowing that Christ has fulfilled both promise and provision for us.

Merry Christmas Everyone!!!

2008-12-15T08:38:00.000-08:00

YAY!!! This morning, before Justin left for work, I was making his lunch and he was visiting with Willow. He was chatting to her while holding her, and she had the most serious, contemplative look on her face (which is her usual expression). Suddenly she gave the biggest grin while looking directly at his face. Of course I wanted one too, so I stood by his shoulder and started coaxing her and again, she had on her serious face. Then I got one! Of course I didn't get a picture for proof, but I promise it happened. It was a big morning at our house, all before 6:30 a.m. :-)

Family Tree

2008-12-12T06:44:00.000-08:00

1.Uncle Junior (in blue) and Uncle Conrado 2.Nana (in black/white) 3.Auntie Lydia (in red/white stripe) 4.Auntie Carmelita (in brown/black)

Justin's Great Aunts and Uncles (his maternal grandmother's siblings) live in Southern CA. Even though he didn't grow up close in proximity to them or know them well before we moved out here, they have been incredibly welcoming and generous whenever we do spend time with them. Justin's Mom Lee (now "Lola".....Filipino for grandmother) and his Nana were able to come out to meet Willow this past week and we squeezed in a few visits with the relatives, Nana's brothers and sisters. Most of them are in their 70's and don't look a day over 50, incredibly energetic, vibrant and full of good humor. It was fun to watch them "Oooo andAhhhh" over my precious baby girl and talk to her in their Tagalog/English mix.

One of the highlights for me was sitting in our living room, listening to Uncle Conrado (a spry 82 who goes dancing frequently) recount fleeing from Manila in the Philippines when he was 13, as the Japanese were attacking the island. Listening to the stories of hiding out in the mountains, traveling on foot, hearing the sounds of constant air raids overhead made me more aware of the tremendously rich history that Willow has running through her veins from all sides of our families. From the Philippines to Puerto Rico, from hot, humid South Carolina to the Northwest snowy corner of Illinois, from Texas to Georgia and too many places to count in between, she has a legacy of hard workers, innovators, dreamers, travelers, justice-seekers, believers and inspirers to collectively learn from and grow into her own little uniquely colorful individual.

I am so excited to watch and encourage her as she unfolds.

Survived

2008-12-04T08:13:00.001-08:00

willow's funky hair after her bath

Nana and Willow

Thanksgiving preparations

Strolling the Seal Beach Pier

Enjoying some sweet time

Willow and I survived day one with just the two of us.... which included 4 wardrobe changes on her part and two on mine, two projectile spit-up covered pillow cases, spit-up on the sheets on Justin's side (I was tempted to not change them and keep my mouth shut), 4 loads of laundry (how is this possible???), initiation of the cloth baby wipes, vacuuming in 2 minute increments so I could check if she was crying, partially putting up Christmas decorations (I should be done by New Year's at this pace!), watching snippets of White Christmas....I do still have my priorities in line, cooking a REAL dinner that actually involved chopping stuff (mostly because I felt guilty that Justin was on his ump-teenth night of leftover Turkey sandwiches), and essentially running around like a sleep-deprived chicken with it's head cut off. I am officially a Mommy!!!!

I also had a healthy dose of wonderfully sitting and rocking, laying and watching and just marveling at this precious little creature that has "poofed" into my life and totally re-orchestrated my days without even knowing it. I just ache for the Mom's who have little option and have to return to work for one reason or another. I can't imagine missing one poopy diaper.

My Mom, Dad, sister Beck and her family were all able to journey from their respective far away places to spend Thanksgiving here and meet the new addition to our family. It was a wonderful gift to have them in my home for about a week and celebrate this season of thankfulness. My Mom posted a list of "Thanksgivings" on our family blog and I am prompted to do the same; even though the actual holiday has passed, the truth and sentiment remain the same.

I'm so very thankful for...

-a healthy pregnancy and baby, a miracle and blessing that is not lost on me.

-a loving, supportive, patient, encouraging, understanding husband who doesn't mind when I dance in the grocery store aisles or do a little shimmy down the sidewalk.

-the incredibly rich legacy of faith in my family from which to learn, grow and draw encouragement.

-my Southern roots

-the music of Alison Krauss, Emmylou Harris and Patty Griffin

-a cup of coffee when it's still dark outside

-the ritual of having a "proper pot of tea"

-Palm Trees decorated for Christmas

-the ability to mix and match colors and textures as I please!

-the fact that there is no REAL Fashion Police

-the "underbelly" of trees when you stand under the branches and look to the sun

-being able to look heavenward in the face of a broken world

-Salvation that I could never fully comprehend

-the Dick Van Dyke Show

-my nursing degree

-the change of seasons on the East Coast

-my smelly, strange, quirky dog Zoey

-Skype

-the luxury and comforts of my home

-Sprouts farmer's market and Trader Joe's

-our apartment maintenance guy, Juan

-generous strangers

-the sheer delight that colored christmas lights provide

-a church to collectively worship with other christians

-the sacrifices made for freedom

-discoveries & revelations made on road trips

-friendships across miles

-the complex, wise, unique, beautiful individuals the make up my family

... and immeasurably more!

Willow's Arrival

2008-11-28T10:53:00.000-08:00

For those of you who haven't heard through the grapevine and are thinking I've had the longest pregnancy EVER......Willow has most definitely arrived!!! She was born Nov. 18th at 1:07am, weighing in at 7 lbs 13oz, 19 1/2 inches long and a full head of black hair. My Dr's first words were "Oh my, look at those cheeks!", followed by "wow, look at those big feet!"

She is absolutely perfect and precious, big cheeks and feet included. Labor and delivery were not at all what I was anticipating or had prepared for; I guess that's why they always say the only birth plan to have is "plan to have your plans changed". I began having consistent contractions around 2am monday morning, significantly stronger than the warm-up ones I'd been feeling for the previous 3 weeks. I told Justin to be ready, I think this may be it. At this point, being more than a week past my due date, it was difficult to actually believe that it REALLY could be happening. So we made it through the night with no hospital runs and I set about the day doing a final clean of the house. I had a Dr's appointment at 2pm and was feeling certain I'd be in L&D before then. No such luck! We went to the appointment, had my routine fetal non-stress test and I was waiting for my Dr. when the nurse popped in and said she'd had an emergency and couldn't see me! I had been having contractions about every 6-8 minutes while in the office and they were getting much stronger, so they sent me to L&D to get checked and put me on the monitor. Once there I was told "you're still only 1cm dilated!!!"..... no change for 3 weeks! Since I was obviously in the early stages of labor and had been for about 18 hours, we decided it was time to get things going. They started me on Pitocin to hopefully make my contractions more effective and at 7:30pm the Dr. came in and broke my water. I essentially went from early labor instantly to transition, with contractions every 1 minute, coupled with violent shaking, tremors and terrible nausea. Before she left, my doc had guessed I'd deliver sometime around 6 or 7 am, since I was having such a slow time progressing. With that in mind, I decided I couldn't manage the pain and was afraid I'd be energy depleted from the tremors and asked for something for pain. The nurse new I must be progressing much faster than they anticipated and we went straight for an epidural..... this was around 9:30 pm. I hadn't received any relief from the epidural 30 minutes later and when my nurse checked me again I was about 6cm dilated. She turned off the Pitocin and called the anesthesiologist to come give me a bolus, thinking my labor was essentially out-running the epidural effect. The bolus did the trick and I was able to rest for a few hours. The nurse said she re-check me around 12 am. At about 11:45 I told Justin he'd better go flag her down, I was starting to feel pressure and like I needed to push. Sure enough, she came in and said I could start to "practice push" and she'd call the Doctor. She deemed me a "great pusher" and decided we'd better not be too aggressive before the Doctor arrived. Once she got there, it was about 20 minutes later and our sweet Willow was here! It was the most surreal, out of body experience to lay there with her on my chest and realize she was the little thing I'd been feeling inside for the past 9 months. It was so amazing to finally meet someone face to face who I had already been experiencing so intimately.

My Mom arrived wednesday and was able to be there when we were released to go home, which was such a huge help. We were able to spend a sweet gift of time together for several days before other family members arrived to celebrate Thanksgiving.

The past week has been a wonderful whirlwind with a new baby and having my family here; the only thing that could make it better would be having my brother and sister-in-law here to complete the family circle.

I am beyond thankful and have such a full-heart with the realization that God has blessed me with a healthy, precious baby, an amazingly supportive, sacrificial, generous family and an encouraging, loving, understanding husband. The timing of Thanksgiving couldn't have been more perfectly appropriate!

Stay tuned as Willow's Wonderland journey begins to unfold.... and I post a ridiculous amount of pictures!

Baby Stephanie

2008-11-03T10:32:00.000-08:00

I thought I'd share my newborn picture since I previously posted Justin's. Mom actually saved and gave me that outfit; I plan on putting Willow in it for a photo, then framing the dress with our baby pictures side by side. That would be pretty sweet, I think ;-)

So, I thought Sunday might have been "the day" or at least the day before "the day", but alas, it's passed and no baby. I was having pretty frequent contractions that were getting increasingly stronger (not painful, just very noticeable). I went for several walks, which brought them on even more, and snuck in few naps between bursts of cleaning and organizing everything. It was funny how, even though we've know the day is inevitably getting closer and closer and most definitely going to happen, having the feeling that this may be it or at least we're getting REALLY close, kind of sent us both into high speed mode. I don't think Justin's ever written a paper or studied so quickly :-) My dear friend Abby is betting on Election Day as the big day, and I'd so hate to disappoint her...so maybe, just maybe I can coax Willow into coming tomorrow.

I think I'd better try to come up with some things to get me out of the house, or else I'll go stir crazy just waiting. I figure a sure fire way to get things started is to go to a large, crowded store. Surely my water will break there, in front of everyone, in the middle of the clearance aisle or tableware section. IKEA anyone??

2008-11-01T18:08:00.000-07:00

This may have been the highlight of my pregnancy.....I mean, when else can you proudly bare a huge round tummy painted orange??? It was hilarious to watch little kids faces as they walked up to us to "trick-or-treat" (we sat at the bottom of our stairs in lawn chairs with our bowl of candy). One little girl just had to touch my jack's nose which was painted over my belly button. She looked up wide eyed and proclaimed "OH, it's your button!" She was a precious little princess herself. I'd have to say my overall favorite was a teeny tinker-bell.....who knew tinker-bell was really a brown little hispanic?

Hope you all had a fun fall day to wrap up October. Happy November....this is the big month!

Tripod & crummy camera...

2008-10-18T20:18:00.000-07:00

I wanted to get some good "pregnant pictures" before it's too late....which isn't much longer! I didn't want to spend any money on "extras" right now, so we resorted to the next best (or more like the last best) thing. A tripod and crummy camera with a timer.

We kind of crammed this "shoot" in between a work cookout and our weekly Friday night dinner with friends, combined with a bright high noon sun, a strong breeze and a park full of kids, dogs and occasional homeless person....and this is what we got. Once I got over my frustration of not being or having a professional photographer telling me what the heck to do, we just had fun and and enjoyed being out in the beautiful weather and doing this together.

I can check one more thing of my ever shortening list and am counting down the last weeks left..... sometimes patiently, sometimes not so much :-)

9 months of perspective

2008-10-14T20:33:00.000-07:00

I had my 36 wk apt today and everything is just perfect-o and right on target. She did a brief ultrasound to get baby measurements and estimated Willow is about 6lbs 2oz right now.... several weeks still to go! So I'm on track for a chunky, umm, healthy baby!

It's always good to hear positive reinforcement that all is continuing to be well and we're both super healthy; although I did remark "then why do I feel so blah and bad?". My Dr. just laughed and replied "because you're 36 weeks pregnant and have been doing this for almost 9 months and you're ready to have a baby!"

Oh, yeah.

I was filling out a new calender yesterday, looking through my old planner to transfer birthdays and important dates.....and was reminded, by red ink pen, when this all began. It's hard to believe it's been 9 months, and flipping through my old calender gave me great visual perspective. I know that in those first few weeks and early months after her birth, I will need constant reminders to keep perspective. Perspective to take one day at a time, and at the same time not get too frazzled, frustrated or dissapointed when one day doesn't go as planned or how I anticipated.

I've often struggled with giving myself reasonable time and space to process changes and circumstances, often pushing myself to "just do it" or "get over it". I know giving birth and becoming a mom is one of the biggest changes I'll ever make (a bit of an understatement), so I know now, more than ever, I need to extend the same grace to myself that I hope others will as I sift through emotions and questions and elation and worry.

From now on it's perspective, grace-filled, one day at a time.

Remind me in a month :-)

Birthday

2008-10-09T11:51:00.000-07:00

(newborn Justin...he was a chunky fella!)

(Justin around 2 months old. He still has napping down to an art)

Yesterday (Oct. 8th) was Justin's birthday. He's been pretty busy and stretched to the max with work and school requirements, trying to get some big things accomplished before Willow comes. We were able to have a relaxed, quiet evening together with no homework, papers or work-duty calls or mishaps. It was low-key (which is GREAT since he's in need of low key right now) and wonderful to just visit and enjoy some quiet, sweet time.

He received a card from his grandparents and we were tickled to find some baby pictures of him inside. Of course it made us talk about what the combo of the two of us will look like in little Willow..... I have to say that I think her 3D ultrasound image seen here looks a bit like him! Just a few more weeks and we'll be able to see for ourselves.

I'm just so overwhelmingly thankful and proud to be partnered with such a loving, humble, patient, consistent, discerning, diligent, giving man. I am SO excited to see Justin take on the role of father and have been amazed at how he's already embraced that role and made adjustments before she's even arrived. She is going to adore her Daddy!

I sure do :-)

Cleanliness

2008-10-02T07:43:00.000-07:00

(34wks pregnant)

It's been interesting as I've been preparing myself and our home for Willow's arrival that there is definitely a "theme" running through everything. Cleanliness. I've been cleaning everything: sterilizing, boiling, dusting, scrubbing, wiping anything in my path. I even washed my car. *If you've never seen an 8.5 month pregnant lady washing her car, trust me....it's amusing.*

Now I'd say I'm a pretty laid back person when it comes to dirt and grime. I certainly don't mind dirt and am probably one of the few ICU nurses who is not a germ-a-phobe (although I probably should be.) So why this clean freak streak? Don't get me wrong, I think a brand new baby should be in a clean environment and to some degree protected from nastiness until they get a good strong immunity on board, but that's not the point for me.

I believe it comes from a strong urge to protect, to preserve her as long as possible from the harshness and "dirt" of this world. To cocoon her in an untainted little world far away from the influence of sin and depravity and, well, society in general. As I've realized this and thought about it, I know that's in some ways my role, but in most ways it's ridiculous. Willow will come into this world fresh and new and sweet...... and a sinner in need of grace and forgiveness just as we all are. That's somewhat hard for me to swallow, thinking that my precious little bundle has a sin nature, will be willfully disobedient, will choose at times wrong over right, will hurt feelings, will ignore truth and sometimes just be plain old bad.

But it's also somewhat freeing to realize. Knowing that because of our sin, because of our free-will to choose, we are separated from God apart from accepting and receiving his free gift of salvation through the sacrifice of his Son Jesus. That's our only "protection", our only "preservation", our only hope. I can't clean my house, my car, mySELF enough to justify and rectify anything. And I can't do it for Willow either. I can guide her, teach her, pray for her and encourage her, but it's her choice, her relationship to accept and develop, just like mine is.

And we just might do it covered in dirt and germs :-)

2008-10-02T07:03:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm going to post a bunch of random pictures from over the past week or so, and then I'll actually write something!

#1. Justin making a one-of-a-kind onesie for Willow at our baby shower.

#2. Opening a gift someone had mailed to the shower from far away. So special.

#3. Some of the folks at our co-ed shower thrown by John and Mena. Everyone made personalized onesies for Willow.... a very cool idea. She's got a HUGE variety to last through babyhood!

#4. Little pink laundry! I've started washing and putting away clothes....it's so strange to see them in my house!

#5. I made a supply of cloth baby wipes to go with my cloth diapering adventure. Choosing the fabric was the hard part; so many precious patterns. I should have a supply to last through diapering years, all for less than $6!

So those are just a few of the things we've been doing this past week, mixed in with several nights of insomnia and Wonder Years marathons. It's been great to be off from work and I've been able to get a lot of "piddling" accomplished (is piddling an accomplishment?) while balancing resting and nesting. Since I've had this stretch of sleepless nights, I've been so grateful not to have to go to work and be responsible for someone's well-being! I've paid close attention to my body and often after a morning of being busy, I have pretty bad headaches, eye pressure, and my brain goes to mush and I'm just pooped. To have the freedom to say "I'm done" and go put my feet up is great.

It's been VERY hot here the past week, and looking at the forecast we should have a break and FALL might be coming to town! I'm so excited and ready to embrace it...I'll probably celebrate with a pumpkin by my door and walnut, chocolate chip pumpkin muffins. They are SO yummy and make the house smell delicious. And I only gained 1 lb between my last two Dr. appointments, so I feel entitled!

It's time...

2008-09-15T19:07:00.000-07:00

(31 wk preg. pic)

I just got home from my 32 week OB apt. Everything is fine, we are both healthy and right on track...YAY!

But, my Dr. said she'd like me to go off of work now, since I've had some intermittent episodes of high blood pressure, severe headaches, blurry vision and really intense lower pelvic pain. All of these symptoms are exacerbated during my 12 hour shift and honestly I dread going each time I have to work.... they are just really long, physical, anxiety filled days. I told her I'd like to finish out this work week and turn in my notice starting Sept 22nd and she was fine with that.

I'm relieved to have her "permission" and recommendation to stop working, but also know the next 8 weeks will be really long without work to break them up and mark them off! Also, I feel a bit anxious about having that much time alone and feeling a bit on the "blah" side, physically and emotionally. Please pray that this will be a really healthy time for me (and Willow!) and that it will be exactly what God intends and wants it to be for us.

I still have a handful of projects to get done before she arrives and definitely want to accomplish them with frugality and timeliness. I have the ambition of "going more green", especially in our diet with a new little person to grow and nurture, so this will be a great gift of time to do some investigation and make changes..... if Justin can stomach them ;-)

I'll keep you posted.... now I have no excuse not to keep this updated and fresh!

Pausing....

2008-08-28T10:10:00.000-07:00

I came to a bit of a halt in my nursery decorating over the past few weeks. This is where it stands right now. I've pickled plain frames pink to put family photos in to hang in a pattern on one of the walls. I did finish my butterfly-crystal mobile..... it's quite magical with the midday sun and breeze fluttering the butterflies and mirrors. If she doesn't watch it, I sure will!

But, as I said, I kind of took a pause on the decorating and spent some time refocusing and thinking. I realized that, similar to planning a wedding, it's easy to get caught up in the color scheme and registering for those perfect necessities and getting excited about family coming, and the MAIN event becomes overshadowed. It hit me......hard.... on the way home from work the other night the reality and magnitude of all of this. I was tired and my body hurt and Willow was in a very uncomfortable position with little feet poking my ribs as I was driving. I started patting my side and talking to her and she shifted a little and it struck me that "Oh my, I'm really the mommy". Am I ready, have I prepared myself, have We prepared ourselves to be parents, what are we missing, what should we be doing, thinking, reading, praying to get ready????? I thought back to our wedding planning time and remembered experiencing very similar feelings and how I had pulled back from all the wedding details and planning specifics, retreated into my room and asked God to show me, work on me, prepare me for this new role. It was a sweet time and I'm so thankful He stopped me in my tracks and captured my attention from the distractions back to the MAIN thing.

So I've been reclusive a bit lately, refocusing and soaking in the reality of this life changing event that I know I couldn't possibly be fully prepared for. I've been thinking about what I hope for Willow, what do I want for her, from me more than anything. I pray for the obvious things of wonderful health, a sharp, inquisitive mind, a kind, generous heart towards others. I wouldn't complain about an excellent little athlete or super star student or socially skilled, charming child. But above all, I want her to love the Lord. I beg for, cry for her to have an insatiable hunger for Jesus, to want to know Him and love Him so much more than she does me. To be content and comforted by learning about Him and His truths, to want to spend time alone with Him.

My sister recently told us about Max, her four year old, coming into the living room and proclaiming "Mom, lets praise God. You don't have to close your eyes, you just tell Him." Right then and there, they praised God. It brings tears to my eyes to think of Max's little heart desiring that, and acting on it at that instant. Oh, that's so what I long and hope for our little Willow, that she just has to praise God because she can't stand not too.

Trains a comin'...

2008-08-21T16:23:00.000-07:00

The past week has been really good for me. As I've entered into the third trimester (shout for joy!), my thoughts and energies have begun to shift. When I first learned I was pregnant, I immediately began thinking of labor....how I wanted to do it and how to prepare myself. I quickly put that out of my mind because I had 9 whole months to think about it and frankly, it's just not as fun to ponder as baby names and nursery decorations. But now it's starting to stare me in the face from the not to distant future and I'm picking up that pebble again. While in my head and deepest hearts desire I imagine a natural birth, I am fully able to admit that I'm not nearly brave enough to commit to that 100% and had better not set myself up for disappointment. As my Mom so eloquently has said about her own laboring realizations, "this trains a comin' and there's no stopping it"..... and I just might need some medicinal assistance with that train. To explore my options, I went to the library and found a Lamaze and the basics of labor DVD. It was actually really helpful and gave me a little boost of confidence while remaining very practical and honest that labor is just going to be plain old hard, uncomfortable work. I was so gung-ho, I accidentally woke Justin up from a nap with my practice breathing... from the look on his face, I think he thought I was really going into labor. I have a feeling he'll need some relaxation techniques more than I will :-)

2008-08-07T10:55:00.000-07:00

So, I said I was going to attempt to paint a tree on the big blank wall in Willow's room, for the purpose of "hanging" pictures off the branches like a family tree. This was my creative, super crafty friend Katie's idea. One small problem is that, while I may be creative in my own right, I am not terribly efficient or effective at carrying out crafty projects. And basically I strongly dislike painting, even very small areas that would take most people 1-2 hours to accomplish. That and the fact that I am also terribly spatially challenged. While I have a fabulous image of the said tree in my head and was even able to translate it onto paper (although somewhat wonky), getting it onto the wall in a non-disfigured fashion is another story. SO, I had already bought these fabulous wall art stickers from Ikea that I was planning on using in her room. I've been slapping them up today and think that they just might suffice, releasing me from the daunting task of painting a stick figure tree on the wall. One problemo....my walls are textured and silly stickers stick best to flat, so there's a little peelage going on around the edges, but I am sure I can remedy that with some type of crafty purchase. That or cry and forget about my nursery tree fantasy. No worries, I'll keep you posted on the final outcome.

shhh....sneak peak

2008-08-06T13:24:00.000-07:00

I had an ultrasound and fetal echo today. At my regularly scheduled appointment last week, my Dr. heard some irregularities in Willow's heartbeat (PAC's -premature atrial contractions to be exact). She said this is very common in pregnancy and even after birth for babies, but she wanted to follow up with a fetal echo just to be sure. Long story short, all is perfectly perfect with her little heart and every other part of her. We're so thankful for such a healthy pregnancy and baby so far. The bonus of today is that the Dr. doing the ultrasound took this 3D image for me to take home. Isn't that just amazing....she had no idea she was being watched in her little world, sleeping away all tucked in tight and cozy. I'm so excited and filled with anticipation to see who she looks like more, whose eyes and nose she favors the most, will she have curly or straight hair, Justin's skinny feet or my wide ones? But I am pretty sure she'll be a little brown baby!

Full Heart

2008-08-03T19:28:00.000-07:00

Today was such a wonderful day, although I'm feeling pretty tired around the edges now. During worship this morning at church, I was really moved by the songs and the supplication they offered to the Lord. I don't know if it's being pregnant or just that I am filled to the brim with different emotions at present, but the words caught in my throat and I felt my eyes beginning to puddle. Since we've been married, I've loved standing beside Justin during church, putting my hand on his back and feeling the vibration of his voice as he sings. It's a treasure to worship with loved ones. Apparently Willow was moved today too, as she was wiggling and kicking during all the songs...so much that I could see feet and elbows moving about my belly! It sent my mind to Psalm 139 as I marveled at how at that very moment, as we stood together as husband and wife worshiping, she was being "knit together" in my womb, known by the Holy Spirit. It's almost too much to contain.

After church and lunch, we stopped by the Fort McArthur base pool to swim. I've had a lot of leg and joint discomfort lately, probably from doing 12 hour shifts mostly standing, and I thought the water would be relieving. It was delicious! Not to mention the liberation of walking around the pool in a bathing suit with my belly poking out, feeling very round and pudgy and not feeling one bit apologetic for it! I mean, who's going to be critical of a pregnant lady trying to get a little exercise?

So I'm off to savor my beautiful organic cherry tomatoes, fresh mozzarella balls and chiffonades of basil fresh off my plant in the window, partnered with a warm piece of crusty baguette :-)

Life is delicious...

It's happening!

2008-08-02T20:46:00.000-07:00

It's hard to believe we actually have a "baby room" now, official with a crib in the corner! We were so fortunate to get this crib from a perfect stranger at our church. It's pretty much just what I had pictured in my mind.....something really basic and simple, with the added bonus of a large pull out drawer underneath. It was missing most of the screws, so we headed to Home Depot, lugging part of a baby crib around the store poking screws in the holes until we found the perfect match. We have a practically new crib, including the mattress and organic wool cover for a measly $6 worth of screws and bolts!

Now I've heard tales of newbie Dads struggling, nay... painfully laboring to put a crib together WITH the aide of instructions; I must say that I am very impressed with my husband whipping that crib into shape in record time with a hand full of mismatched screws and no visual aides.....well, except for my pointing and sweet, helpful suggestions.

My next step is painting a family tree on the big blank wall that's just screaming for embellishment. Stay tuned for that attempt :-)

Wow-eeeee!

2008-07-27T14:45:00.000-07:00

Surprise!!! I've had two visits from my very dearest friends in the past month. Abby and Leigh were able to come out for a week and we had a blast playing chill locals and cheesy tourists all in one swoop. On top of that greatness, Katie had a last minute business trip come up just 20 minutes south of me and we were able to catch up over the course of a few days.

Both times, the girls surprised me with baby showers......although Katie's was technically a baby scavenger hunt, being the clever,crafty gal that she is. I was so overwhelmed by their generosity and kindness; it was just fabulous. I can hardly wait to drench baby Willow in all the pink and green goodness they gave us!

Generosity abounds

2008-07-27T14:28:00.000-07:00

I'll confess that in the first few months of pregnancy I had inklings of melancholy and sadness. It wasn't due to the thought of being pregnant or having a baby, it was more associated with the fact that I'm doing this practically 3000 miles away from the people I know and love the most (except my dear Justin of course :-). It was strange to think that friends and family very likely wouldn't even see me pregnant, not to mention facing the strange uncertainties of pregnancy feeling somewhat isolated and alone.

I've been so overwhelmed with God's generosity in providing means and ways for people to visit, paths to cross, planning to pan out and the provision of brief snatches of time with old friends and family. Along with that He's brought us into a new circle of friends here by way of a free bike rack... literally, and we're beginning to develop some really special, sweet friendships. Oh, what doubtful creatures we are at times, will I ever learn to believe and remember His faithfulness and love!!

Introducing...

2008-07-27T13:32:00.000-07:00

the world of Willow. She's not here yet, but things are in full swing for her debut in November. I want to share our life's transitions and discoveries as we approach becoming parents; then as we begin to see life through baby Willow... a wonderland with new experiences, challenges, visions and the hope that new life brings.