(34wks pregnant) It's been interesting as I've been preparing myself and our home for Willow's arrival that there is definitely a "theme" running through everything. Cleanliness. I've been cleaning everything: sterilizing, boiling, dusting, scrubbing, wiping anything in my path. I even washed my car. *If you've never seen an 8.5 month pregnant lady washing her car, trust me....it's amusing.*
Now I'd say I'm a pretty laid back person when it comes to dirt and grime. I certainly don't mind dirt and am probably one of the few ICU nurses who is not a germ-a-phobe (although I probably should be.) So why this clean freak streak? Don't get me wrong, I think a brand new baby should be in a clean environment and to some degree protected from nastiness until they get a good strong immunity on board, but that's not the point for me.
I believe it comes from a strong urge to protect, to preserve her as long as possible from the harshness and "dirt" of this world. To cocoon her in an untainted little world far away from the influence of sin and depravity and, well, society in general. As I've realized this and thought about it, I know that's in some ways my role, but in most ways it's ridiculous. Willow will come into this world fresh and new and sweet...... and a sinner in need of grace and forgiveness just as we all are. That's somewhat hard for me to swallow, thinking that my precious little bundle has a sin nature, will be willfully disobedient, will choose at times wrong over right, will hurt feelings, will ignore truth and sometimes just be plain old bad.
But it's also somewhat freeing to realize. Knowing that because of our sin, because of our free-will to choose, we are separated from God apart from accepting and receiving his free gift of salvation through the sacrifice of his Son Jesus. That's our only "protection", our only "preservation", our only hope. I can't clean my house, my car, mySELF enough to justify and rectify anything. And I can't do it for Willow either. I can guide her, teach her, pray for her and encourage her, but it's her choice, her relationship to accept and develop, just like mine is.
And we just might do it covered in dirt and germs :-)
2 comments:
I still have that protection urge with Max at times. He loves playing at the playground and I find myself hovering sometimes to shelter and direct him. I hate it when I see little kids who don't know any better using ugly or unkind words around my tender Max. Sometimes we just leave early from playing. He'll be exposed to harsh hurtful people soon enough. I have a feeling that urge never fully goes away.
B
Oh, and I would love to see you try to clean your car :)
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