Pausing....

            I came to a bit of a halt in my nursery decorating over the past few weeks. This is where it stands right now. I've pickled plain frames pink to put family photos in to hang in a pattern on one of the walls.  I did finish my butterfly-crystal mobile..... it's quite magical with the midday sun and breeze fluttering the butterflies and mirrors. If she doesn't watch it, I sure will!

But, as I said, I kind of took a pause on the decorating and spent some time refocusing and thinking. I realized that, similar to planning a wedding, it's easy to get caught up in the color scheme and registering for those perfect necessities and getting excited about family coming, and the MAIN event becomes overshadowed. It hit me......hard.... on the way home from work the other night the reality and magnitude of all of this. I was tired and my body hurt and Willow was in a very uncomfortable position with little feet poking my ribs as I was driving. I started patting my side and talking to her and she shifted a little and it struck me that "Oh my, I'm really the mommy". Am I ready, have I prepared myself, have We prepared ourselves to be parents, what are we missing, what should we be doing, thinking, reading, praying to get ready????? I thought back to our wedding planning time and remembered experiencing very similar feelings and how I had pulled back from all the wedding details and planning specifics, retreated into my room and asked God to show me, work on me, prepare me for this new role. It was a sweet time and I'm so thankful He stopped me in my tracks and captured my attention from the distractions back to the MAIN thing.

So I've been reclusive a bit lately, refocusing and soaking in the reality of this life changing event that I know I couldn't possibly be fully prepared for. I've been thinking about what I hope for Willow, what do I want for her, from me more than anything. I pray for the obvious things of wonderful health, a sharp, inquisitive mind, a kind, generous heart towards others. I wouldn't complain about an excellent little athlete or super star student or socially skilled, charming child. But above all, I want her to love the Lord. I beg for, cry for her to have an insatiable hunger for Jesus, to want to know Him and love Him so much more than she does me. To be content and comforted by learning about Him and His truths, to want to spend time alone with Him. 

My sister recently told us about Max, her four year old, coming into the living room and proclaiming "Mom, lets praise God. You don't have to close your eyes, you just tell Him." Right then and there, they praised God. It brings tears to my eyes to think of Max's little heart desiring that, and acting on it at that instant. Oh, that's so what I long and hope for our little Willow, that she just has to praise God because she can't stand not too. 

Trains a comin'...

The past week has been really good for me. As I've entered into the third trimester (shout for joy!), my thoughts and energies have begun to shift. When I first learned I was pregnant, I immediately began thinking of labor....how I wanted to do it and how to prepare myself. I quickly put that out of my mind because I had 9 whole months to think about it and frankly, it's just not as fun to ponder as baby names and nursery decorations. But now it's starting to stare me in the face from the not to distant future and I'm picking up that pebble again. While in my head and deepest hearts desire I imagine a natural birth, I am fully able to admit that I'm not nearly brave enough to commit to that 100% and had better not set myself up for disappointment.  As my Mom so eloquently has said about her own laboring realizations, "this trains a comin' and there's no stopping it"..... and I just might need some medicinal assistance with that train. To explore my options, I went to the library and found a Lamaze and the basics of labor DVD. It was actually really helpful and gave me a little boost of confidence while remaining very practical and honest that labor is just going to be plain old hard, uncomfortable work. I was so gung-ho, I accidentally woke Justin up from a nap with my practice breathing... from the look on his face, I think he thought I was really going into labor. I have a feeling he'll need some relaxation techniques more than I will :-)

So, I  said I was going to attempt to paint a tree on the big blank wall in Willow's room, for the purpose of "hanging" pictures off the branches like a family tree. This was my creative, super crafty friend Katie's idea. One small problem is that, while I may be creative in my own right, I am not terribly efficient or effective at carrying out crafty projects. And basically I strongly dislike painting, even very small areas that would take most people 1-2 hours to accomplish. That and the fact that I am also terribly spatially challenged. While I have a fabulous image of the said tree in my head and was even able to translate it onto paper (although somewhat wonky), getting it onto the wall in a non-disfigured fashion is another story. SO, I had already bought these fabulous wall art stickers from Ikea that I was planning on using in her room. I've been slapping them up today and think that they just might suffice, releasing me from the daunting task of painting a stick figure tree on the wall. One problemo....my walls are textured and silly stickers stick best to flat, so there's a little peelage going on around the edges, but I am sure I can remedy that with some type of crafty purchase. That or cry and forget about my nursery tree fantasy. No worries, I'll keep you posted on the final outcome.

shhh....sneak peak

I had an ultrasound and fetal echo today. At my regularly scheduled appointment last week, my Dr. heard some irregularities in Willow's heartbeat (PAC's -premature atrial contractions to be exact). She said this is very common in pregnancy and even after birth for babies, but she wanted to follow up with a fetal echo just to be sure. Long story short, all is perfectly perfect with her little heart and every other part of her. We're so thankful for such a healthy pregnancy and baby so far. The bonus of today is that the Dr. doing the ultrasound took this 3D image for me to take home. Isn't that just amazing....she had no idea she was being watched in her little world, sleeping away all tucked in tight and cozy. I'm so excited and filled with anticipation to see who she looks like more, whose eyes and nose she favors the most, will she have curly or straight hair, Justin's skinny feet or my wide ones? But I am pretty sure she'll be a little brown baby! 

Full Heart

Today was such a wonderful day, although I'm feeling pretty tired around the edges now. During worship this morning at church, I was really moved by the songs and the supplication they offered to the Lord. I don't know if it's being pregnant or just that I am filled to the brim with different emotions at present, but the words caught in my throat and I felt my eyes beginning to puddle. Since we've been married, I've loved standing beside Justin during church, putting my hand on his back and feeling the vibration of his voice as he sings. It's a treasure to worship with loved ones. Apparently Willow was moved today too, as she was wiggling and kicking during all the songs...so much that I could see feet and elbows moving about my belly! It sent my mind to Psalm 139 as I marveled at how at that very moment, as we stood together as husband and wife worshiping, she was being "knit together" in my womb, known by the Holy Spirit. It's almost too much to contain.

After church and lunch, we stopped by the Fort McArthur base pool to swim. I've had a lot of leg and joint discomfort lately, probably from doing 12 hour shifts mostly standing, and I thought the water would be relieving. It was delicious! Not to mention the liberation of walking around the pool in a bathing suit with my belly poking out, feeling very round and pudgy and not feeling one bit apologetic for it! I mean, who's going to be critical of a pregnant lady trying to get a little exercise? 

So I'm off to savor my beautiful organic cherry tomatoes, fresh mozzarella balls and chiffonades of basil fresh off my plant in the window, partnered with a warm piece of crusty baguette :-) 

Life is delicious...

It's happening!

It's hard to believe we actually have a "baby room" now, official with a crib in the corner! We were so fortunate to get this crib from a perfect stranger at our church. It's pretty much just what I had pictured in my mind.....something really basic and simple, with the added bonus of a large pull out drawer underneath. It was missing most of the screws, so we headed to Home Depot, lugging part of a baby crib around the store poking screws in the holes until we found the perfect match. We have a practically new crib, including the mattress and organic wool cover for a measly $6 worth of screws and bolts! 

Now I've heard tales of newbie Dads struggling, nay... painfully laboring to put a crib together WITH the aide of instructions; I must say that I am very impressed with my husband whipping that crib into shape in record time with a hand full of mismatched screws and no visual aides.....well, except for my pointing and sweet, helpful suggestions.

My next step is painting a family tree on the big blank wall that's just screaming for embellishment. Stay tuned for that attempt :-)